apkors olodo

The students of Warri Grammar School went on excursion to Egypt. On the tomb of Pharaoh was written “1102BC”.
The teacher now asked “who knows what this means?” Nobody except Akpos raised his hand but the teacher was not comfortable and pretended not to take notice of him. She then asked again and yet only Akpos’ hand was still up.
So she allowed him to answer.
Akpos said “Na Pharaoh BB Pin be that”

nigerians are good at something

Most nigerians are good at chatting Here are
the top ten Nigerian funniest chat-to make a girl fall for u
.
1. “You look familiar, have we met?”
This seems to be the most popular in Nigeria
when it comes to chat-up lines. A guy walks up
to you and is like “… Hey. .. You look familiar,
have we met?”. ( And you’re staring blankly like
…” No, I don’t think so” and he goes …”Oh
common don’t tell me you can’t remember me.
..”. So in a bid to defend your memory, you
oblige and chat or you really don’t care and tell
the person off.
2. “Can I follow you home? ‘Cos my parents told
me to always follow my dreams”
When you hear a line like this, you may be too
weak to react cos you’re boiling within with
laughter. All that runs through your mind could
be “what the heck is he (or she as the case may
be) thinking?”.
3. “Hey, you are very pretty, you look exactly like
my mum”
This sounds awkward because the lady does not
know how the person’s mom look. However,
some women may feel honoured while some
maybe like .. ” What? are you alright? You wish!”
4. “Ooooo Boi! I wish I met you first”
This line is pretty famous in the circles of those
who meet someone they think they like when
they’re already in a serious relationship. It’s a
funny way to break the ice but it works.
Sometimes, It has an uncanny feel to it that can
soften the other person’s disposition towards
you.
5. “You’re the only egg in my roll. Without you
I’m just a buns”
Now talk about downright hilarious. Even the
meanest or hardest Nigerian mind will break a
smile on hearing this. The mere thought of the
person trying to talk to you being a “buns” is so
funny. Using this is sure to kick start your much
needed chat but you’ve got to get creative to
keep it going.
6. “I’m not a prophet but I can see you and I
together”
When you hear such lines, the first thing that
comes to mind will be “hmmmm, the brother’s
getting all religious on me” and as funny as it
may sound it, works for some people.
7. “I thought happiness starts with letter H, why
does mine start with U?”
How creative and smooth, when you hear such
lines you just smile because you get carried away
by the mind behind those words. It’s funny but
cute at the same time, words like this can break
any ice cold heart and get a conversation going.
Besides, give the brother some credit for the pun.
8. “Does it Hurt? (What?) Falling from heaven”.
I’ve heard men use this line a lot. Its just a
sweet way to tell a lady that she is an angel. It’s
kind of abstract because it starts with a question
– Does it hurt? It’ll definitely trigger some
curiosity in the mind of the lady because it’s
awkward. And the later part – falling from
heaven – creates the opposite reaction because
they never saw it coming. It’s an old classic pick
up line that still works.
9. “Hi I’m kind of lost. please can you help me
find my way to …..?”
I can bet you this line has been in use for
decades and till date it works. It makes you
sound vulnerable and in need of help but the aim
is to draw attention and start a conversation.
This kind of pick of line works better in public
places.
10. “Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives…
He never met you!”
Talk about religious and funny, this is sure to
earn you a smile from that ‘sister’ that’s got
your nerves in a twist and your mind all tangled
up. This type of lines that have a biblical feel to
them are best tried on religious person with a
sense of humour.

nigeran girls

   If u wanna date an Indian girl, u must know how to sing....
=> If u wanna date an
American girl, u must be honest or she shoots u
=> If u wanna date an
English girl, u must be brilliant in ur
field
=> If u wanna date a
Chinese girl, u must know kung-fu or know how to eat fly
=> If u wanna date a
Russian girl, u must be
white
=> If u wanna date a
Brazilian girl, u must fix
your front teeth
=> If u wanna date a
Jamaican girl, u must be
black and rugged
=> If u wanna date an
Italian girl, u must be a sex enthusiast
=> If u wanna date a Nigerian girl, u must be ______________?

Bad housegirl

A House girl asked her madam to increase her
salary. The madam ask her to give 3 reasons
why she need her salary to be increased.
*HOUSE GIRL:* I can cook better than you.
*MADAM:* Who told you that?
*HOUSE GIRL:* Your husband told me.
*MADAM:* Okay, second reason....!
*HOUSE GIRL:* I can iron better than you.
*MADAM:* Who told you that?
*HOUSE GIRL:* Your husband told me.
*MADAM:* Okay, last reason.
*HOUSE GIRL:* I am also better than you in
bed (Madam got furious, grab a stick to
smash her head)
*MADAM:* Did my husband say that?
*HOUSE GIRL:* NO, the driver told me I'm
better
than you in bed.
*MADAM:* Shhhh! Lower your voice please! I
will increase your salary immediately. You're
such a hard working girl

mothers

MY BABE: I love you with all my heart
ME: I love you too
MY BABE: You promise to love me forever?
ME: Yes, i promise
MY BABE: Will you give me your heart?
ME: I'm sorry baby..
MY BABE: YOu mean you dont love me?
ME: It's not like that
MY BABE: Then what?
ME: Someone has won my heart with her tenderness, purest of love, care, supports, name it..
MY BABE: (burst into tears, after some time, she ask me) And you want to leave me n marry her?
ME: I wish i can, but i can't.
MY BABE: Why???
ME: Because she's my MOTHER.
What about you, do you love your MOTHER??? If you do, pls Type "I LOVE MUM"

Be contended

A baby Girl went to a shop with her mother. The
shop keeper looked at the small cute child and
showed her a bottle with sweets...
And said, "Dear Child, you can take the sweets".
But the child didn't take. The shopkeeper was
surprised Such a small child she is and why is
she not taking
the sweets from the bottle.
Again he said take the sweets.
Now the mother also heard that and said, "Take
the sweets dear".
Yet she didn't take it. The shopkeeper seeing the
child not taking the sweets.
He himself took the sweets and gave to the
child. The child was happy to get two handsfull
of sweets. While returning home the Mother
asked the child Why didn't you take the sweets,
when the shop keeper told you to
take..?
Can you guess the response?
Child replies Mom! My hands are very small and
if I take the sweets I can only take few..
But now you see when uncle gave with his big
hands, How many more sweets I got!
MORAL LESSON:
When we take we may get little but when Our
Father in Heaven gives, He gives us more
beyond our expectations more than what we can
think of Because His blessings are more better
than we can even imagine:)
Always ask God what you want and wait for the
Lord to give you more!!
LETS PRAY:
Heavenly Father, please bless the
person reading this, grant his/her
desires this year, wipe away every
sorrow, shame, failure, untimely death, poverty,
sickness from his/her life and that of every
member of his/her family in Jesus Name.
Write, "AMEN" to claim this prayer NOW!!

mad man back in his senses

Lol .
A mad man was standing near a chemist
shop
when Musa walked in and was
complaining to the
chemist man saying .
''doctor my head is seriously
aching me for the past two days now.
.
Immediately the mad man entered and
said ''I know how you feel''.
.
Musa was astonished.
.
The mad man said, sometimes it will be
as if ten men are playing Army drum on your
head?
.
Musa : Yes that's true.
.
Mad man : And it will be as if your head wants to
fall down?
.
Musa : Yes!! You're right.
.
Mad man : And you will be seeing things double?
.
Musa : Yes! Yes!!.. You're correct.
.
Mad man : Sometimes you will be seeing
things in a negative way?
.
Musa : My God!... That's true.
.
Mad man : When you see fire it will turn
to river and if you see waste-bin it will turn to
paradise in
your eyes?
.
Musa : Jesus!... That's a big truth.
. Musa : But how come you know all these
things?
.
Mad man : Na so my own take start.
.
Musa fainted..

akpors the preacher

Akpos: Hello Girl
Chichi: Hello!
Akpos: Do you have a
boyfriend?
Chichi: Nope. I don't want to
have a boyfriend. Akpos: oh no!!!! Remember
Genesis 2:18
The
Lord God said, “It is not good
for the man to be
alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Chichi: But I don't love you.
Akpos: no, u just have to love
me, remember 1 John
4:8 "Who ever does not love
does not know God,
because God is love."
Chichi: But how can I be sure that you're
loyal and
honest?
Akpos: Mark 13:31 says "Heaven and earth
will pass away, but my words
will never pass
away."
Chichi: But I'm busy, I'm still
studying. Akpos: yes dear but Ecclesiastes 3:1 said
"There is
a time for everything, and a
season for every
activity under the heaven."
Chichi: But why me? There are alot of girls
out
there.
Akpos: Proverbs 31:29 "Many
women do
noble things, but you surpass them all."
Chichi: But what is in me that
you like?
Akpos: Song of Solomon 4:7
"You are altogether
beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in
you."
Chichi: no ooo, I'm not
beautiful. Akpos: Proverbs 31:30
"Charm is deceptive,
and beauty is fleeting; but a
woman who fears
the Lord is to be praised."
Chichi: Why all dis?
Akpos: 2 Corinthians 2:4 "For
I wrote you outof
great distress and anguish of heart and
with many
tears, not to grieve you but to
let you know
the depth of my love for you." Chichi,
waoooo, i'm flattered,
i think i love u,
let's
start with u buying me an
Iphone 6. Akpos: no dear, remember 1 John
2:15...."Love not
the world, neither the things
that are in the
world
Chichi: Omg!!! That reminds me, you have no
job as well...
Akpos: Don't worry, Genesis
22:8 says GOD
WILL
PROVIDE.

Nigerians are always at the top in any situation

A Nigerian Doctor couldn't find a job in any Hospital in the USA, so he opened a clinic and put a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic...
Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Doctor: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."
Lawyer: "Ugh... this is kerosene."
Doctor: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money...
Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."
Doctor: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."
Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."
Doctor: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."
Doctor: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."
Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $1" not $100!!"
Doctor: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"
You can't beat Nigerians!!!!